Mostly for my own amusement—the so-called "standard disclaimer", possibly from this Usenet post from 1991:
This product is meant for educational purposes only. Any resemblance to real persons, living or dead is purely coincidental. Sell before date stamped on carton. Do not purchase if seal has been tampered with. Contents under pressure. Void where prohibited or taxed. Some assembly required. List each check separately by bank number. Batteries not included. Some settling of contents may occur during shipping. Use only as directed. No other warranty expressed or implied. Do not use while operating a motor vehicle or heavy equipment. Postage will be paid by addressee. Subject to CAB approval. This is not an offer to sell securities. Apply only to affected area. May be too intense for some viewers. Do not stamp. Use other side for additional listings. For recreational use only. Do not disturb. All models over 18 years of age. If condition persists, consult your physician. No user-serviceable parts inside. Freshest if eaten before date on carton. Times approximate. Simulated picture. No postage necessary if mailed in the United States. Breaking seal constitutes acceptance of agreement. For off-road use only. As seen on TV. One size fits all. Many suitcases look alike. Contains a substantial amount of non-tobacco ingredients. Colors may, in time, fade. We have sent the forms which seem to be right for you. Slippery when wet. Parental guidance suggested. Do not bend, fold, spindle, or mutilate. Use unleaded fuel only. For office use only. Not affiliated with the American Red Cross. Drop in any mailbox. Edited for television. Keep cool; process promptly. For sale by prescription only. Post office will not deliver without postage. Return to sender, no forwarding order on file, unable to forward. Not responsible for direct, indirect, incidental or consequential damages resulting from any defect, error or failure to perform. At participating locations only. Not the Beatles, just an incredible simulation. Penalty for private use. See label for sequence. Your mileage may vary. Substantial penalty for early withdrawal. Do not write below this line. Lost ticket pays maximum rate. Your cancelled check is your receipt. Place stamp here. Avoid contact with skin. Sanitized for your protection. Be sure each item is properly endorsed. Sign here without admitting guilt. Items sold separately. Slightly higher in California. Employees and their families are not eligible. Contestants have been briefed on some questions before the show. Limited time offer, call now to insure prompt delivery. You must be present to win. No passes accepted for this engagement. No purchase necessary. Processed at location stamped in code at top of carton. No riders. Shading within a garment may occur. Use only in well-ventilated area. Keep away from fire or flame. Replace with same type. Approved for veterans. Any rebroadcast, reproduction, or other use of the pictures and accounts of this game without the express written consent of Major League Baseball is prohibited. Booths for two or more. Check here if tax deductible. Some equipment shown is optional. Don't try this at home. No Canadian coins. Not recommended for children. Prerecorded for this time zone. Reproduction strictly prohibited. Do not immerse. No solicitors. No alcohol, dogs, or horses. Restaurant package, not for resale. List at least two alternate dates. First pull up, then pull down. Call toll free before digging. Driver does not carry cash. Some of the trademarks mentioned in this product appear for identification purposes only. Record additional transactions on back of previous stub. No bills over $20 accepted. Price does not include taxes, title, destination charges, or dealer prep. No pepper games. This is not a competition, it is only an exhibition. No wagering. An equal opportunity employer. List was current at time of printing. This supersedes all previous notices. This information is subject to change without notice. All rights reserved.
You may also be interested in this list of 317 disclaimers, sorted by length. Also, googling for some of the phrases will find numerous sites on the web with similar ones, typically embellished with assorted additions of their own.