Philip Newton (pne) wrote,
Philip Newton
pne

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This afternoon, I was reading an entry in timwi's journal where he referred to an entry rho wrote in lj_support (and in which she referred to another entry in her journal), and all that got me thinking.

Basically, those articles are about depression and doing something about it.

I'd like to quote from the original entry:

If you find it difficult to motivate yourself for anything or if you feel emotionless or if you feel that you don't want to be happy then it is likely that you are suffering from depression, to some degree. And if you are, then remember that depression can get as bad as I described above, and worse.

Therefore, if you are, or think that you may be, suffering from depression then for the sake of all things holy please do something about it. For one, seek medical and/or psychiatric help.



Apparently, this prompted timwi to get an appointment with a psychologist.

And that made me think... a while back, I asked my GP for a referral to a psychiatrist [he wasn't too keen about sending me to a pychologist because "they're not doctors"] because of my motivation problems I sometimes have, when it's hard to get myself to do my work the way I'm supposed to. And I sometimes get down and I'm hard on myself for not measuring up to how I think I could be.

I don't think I'm depressed in the medical sense of the word, but the bit about "there are almost certainly some who don't even know that they're depressed" in the original journal entry made me think.

I never called the psychiatrist but kept putting it off. Now the referral has expired since it was for quarter IV/2002, but maybe I should get a new one and call them and see whether something needs to be done.

As I was thinking about this, I was glad that Stella was there. I called her over and we lay together on the couch and I was just glad that she is there for me. There are some things I don't tell her because I think she disapproves or because I think they might upset her, but I know I could tell her anything and she'd be there for me and support me. And I felt a lot better for that.

And while I was lying there thinking, I thought about a cartoon I had read recently. I was thinking about how I'm sometimes a bit depressed but generally not really gloomy as if the bottom has fallen out of my world.

And that reminded me of two episodes of Goats: in the first, Phillip overclocks a lemon with a drill and soldering iron. At the end of the strip, the lemon achieves self-awareness. In the second strip, the lemon asks Phillip, "What is the purpose of my existence?" and he replies, "There is none, really." The lemon answers "My universe is pain and emptiness," at which Phillip exclaims, "Great. I've created a goth lemon."

And I thought that was really funny right then because that was such a funny example of the kind of angst I feel I don't have. And I'm glad I'm not angsty like that. The "goth lemon" cheered me up.

Still, I'll have to see what I can do about getting to the psychiatrist. It does rather suck having to force oneself to work for more than four hours or so in a day when eight hours is what is expected. Maybe un-motivated-ness can be helped.
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